Just a Quick Update.

Well as y'all (well whoever even reads this) know, I had surgery two weeks ago. Everything went fine. Minimal pain afterwards which was great. Well today I get the results. I'm nervous because the past few days I've had another swollen lymph node that is kind of painful.

Secondly. I went and saw the gastro doctor last week. Well... They set me up for a colonoscopy and an endoscopy. Ugh I'm 23. I should not be having all these problems.

Wish me luck.

Just a few thoughts...

First off... What happened to common courtesy? I had an appointment today in the building I work in. I checked in and went back to my office until they were ready for me. Well 4:30 rolled around and they had not called me. So I called them. Well come to find out the doctor had only seen one patient do far. They wanted me to come in when the work day was over aka 5:00. Well I told them I had class at 6 and needed to be out by then. Well they weren't sure if they would be able to get out by 6. Needless to say I was a little pissed. They couldn't call and let me know this?! I mean really...


Secondly. I've come to realize that almost every guy I've talked to in regards to relationships always ends up telling me they were stupid and regret letting me go. We will talk for a few weeks or months and then they stop and end up with someone else. Only later to tell me (after they've broken up with their girlfriends) that they were stupid and regret not giving me a chance cause I'm an awesome girl and all this stuff. Well guess what buddy... You missed out cause I'm not giving you another chance. I'm just tired of getting pushed aside for someone else only for you to later realize that I was the better decision.

Breathe In, Breathe Out

Okay. This is going to definitely be a personal update. I've had a lot on my mind in the past two months.

Where to start?

Well I guess I'll start with the biggest issue that has been going on. For starters, my birthday was two weeks ago. I, naturally, went out with all my friends and had a great time. I attempted to go out again the following night but was just not feeling well at all. I drank soda at the bar and had two shots which in turn made me want to throw up everywhere. Needless to say I left the bar at midnight and came home to sleep. Well, earlier that day I also noticed two large bumps in my pelvic area. They almost felt like a hernia. They began to hurt on the following Monday. So naturally, I went to the doctor to get everything checked out. The ultrasound showed that I have Bilateral Necrotic Lymph Nodes. That recommended a Cat Scan so that was my next step. The Cat Scan showed the same lymph nodes. But it also showed that I have a degenerating/hemorrhagic ovarian cyst and also a cyst on my liver. My doctor said those were nothing to worry about they just need regular monitoring (such as a 6 month ultrasound and whatnot). Well they set me up to see a Surgeon in regards to the lymph nodes. Well, I saw him on Thursday. He did an exam and whatnot and looked and felt them. He is recommending a lymph node biopsy. He doesn't feel they are anything major or life threatening but he wants to be on the safe side and get everything checked out. So next Friday I will be at the hospital having this done. Fortunately for me, they will be giving me a small dose of anesthesia. I don't do well with pain. Especially in that area. Oh and I also have an appointment with a Gastro doctor in a couple weeks. Yay for my dad's genetic stomach problems and my mom's acid reflux all being passed down to me. Thanks guys! Glasses and braces just were not enough. Wish me luck on everything!

Now for the emotional part of my usual posts. One thing to remember from past posts: Blake (from NY). Yes, the asshole who stopped talking to me for reasons I'll get to in a bit. Well, remember when I said I met a bunch of people out on my birthday? Well, him and his friend Jim showed up as well. He gave me a hug and wished me a Happy Birthday. Okay, no big deal. Well once the bar closed at 2, I was not ready to stop drinking (I mean Come On it was my birthday!). Well, neither was he. So I ended up going with him up to his friend James's house and we drank there for a bit. Now things get a little fuzzy from here so I'll only be able to give you bits and pieces. We went and dropped off Jim, then we went back to Blake's house. Well on the ride there I had to ask why he stopped talking to me. I asked him if it was because of my plan to move in January? He said that was part of the reason. I remember once we got to his place there was more of my talking about that situation but I don't remember details. (Forgive me, it was my birthday LOL) Well, we woke up and he brought me to my car cause I had an early appointment to get my hair cut. I had told him I deleted his number when we stopped talking. Well when my phone got charged and turned back on, he had messaged me and it said "your still trouble". We had talked here and there throughout the day. And then met up at the bar that night. Well, we both ended up leaving at midnight because he didn't feel well either. We parked in the same area so he walked with me to my car. He asked if I was going to let him come over and cuddle. Of course, being me, and me really liking him, I said yes. I had asked him a couple days after what the other reason he stopped talking to him was, he said it was just him being a dumbass. I am hoping that was the only reason. He told him his friend, James, yelled at him for when he stopped talking to me. I asked James about that and he said that he did. He said Blake was retarded for doing so because I am beautiful and whatnot. I appreciate that his friend's like me enough to yell at him for that. It made me feel great. But needless to say Blake and I have been with each other pretty much everyday since my birthday. I am super happy about it. But I'm really scared at the same time because I don't want the same thing to happen. I guess I can't really get too emotionally attached because of my plan to move. But like I've said before, he's the one person I've met and that I know that makes me want to stay. We are completely different people, but I think that's why we fit so well with each other. I just don't know what to do. I had a mini breakdown last night. I'm in depression mode right now but I'll bounce back. Honestly, the only thing I think that will make me feel better will be to hear from him. We shall see.

Should Have Left Before The Sun Came Up Again...

Well hello there. Long time no blog. It's been about 8 months since we've last seen each other. A LOT has happened.

The first semester of school went well. Passed all my classes! Went back down to Louisiana in May to see family and Blake :) That went very well! Blake and I connected a lot more which was great! I'll write more about him and out situation later.

Welp, I've since been home and had met another guy whose name is also Blake. Weird, I know. We hit it off really well. Hung out pretty much constantly for a month straight. He has a 4 year old son who is adorable and I love. Recently he's been acting really weird. He stopped talking to me or responding to my text messages. I did nothing to warrant that behavior from him. Tonight was the first night I saw him in about 3 weeks. It was awkward. I had borrowed a table from him for a garage sale and he had never taken it back. Well I got tired of it being in the trunk of my car so I decided I would just drive up to his house and give it back. He was there with one of his friends. I pulled in, took the table out and gave it to him. The conversation went just like this:

Him: "Bringing the table back?"

Me: "Yup"

Him: "K. Thanks."

Me: "Welcome"

Yeah that was it. Nothing more, nothing less. In a way it was nice to give it back cause now I won't have any reason to speak to him. He hurt me for no reason. I really liked him and would have stayed in NY if he had asked him. He clearly wasn't ready for that. Oh well. Hence why I do not mess around with NY boys anymore.

Okay, back to southern Blake :)

Well, after returning from Louisiana I decided to definitely move there. I figured out the best time financial wise and it looks like I'll be moving in mid January. I cannot wait. I will actually be living with Blake, which should be interesting. He offered. He has a spare room that is completely furnished so all I need to bring are my clothes. We've been keeping in touch a lot. We talk at least once a week. He is such a sweetheart. He told me he will help me with anything I need. I just can't fathom why he would do all this for me since he's only know me for kind of a year. Even though we've only hung out a handful of times. I cannot wait to be down there and see where this goes.

I'm also back to school. Only two classes this semester. Psychology- Life Span and Sociology 101. Sociology is really cool. I'm just worried about the oral presentation we have to give. I get really bad anxiety when it comes to that.

Oh! I completely forgot! I moved into an apartment of my own! No more having to clean up after people and worry about my stuff going missing. It's a great feeling. I'm in this little 2 bedroom apartment in Frankfort. It's perfect for just me and Weezy (my cat). A little lonely since it's just me but I'm getting use to it. Now all I need is heat because it's starting to get really cold here in NY. My landlord told me I had electric heat and I definitely do not. So I'll be adding another bill to my list.. UGH

Well, I'm going back to watching Stomp the Yard and drinking wine. Just waiting for my friend to get here with the good green :)

"Suddenly I'm in over my head and I can hardly breathe"

Please Don't Let My Dream Run Dry

Okay. So the first week of school was this week. Online classes aren't as bad as I thought they would be. I'm getting the hang of them. I went to math on Wednesday. I'm surprised! It might be easier than I thought. The professor is really nice and it's a really laid back kind of class. YAY!

Life has been going a lot better as of lately. Yeah.. I know like what? 4 days since my last post.. Oh well. I have my "down" moments. This weekend should be good. My friend, Dave, is coming over! I haven't seen him in like a month it feels. He's on of my closest friends. He use to come over every Sunday and watch football but lately we haven't really seen each other. We've both been crazy busy. So it'll be nice to hang out again. Then, this girl, Danielle wants me to go out. (She's my ex-"fling's" sister. We'll see about that. Like I said previously, I'm over the whole going out and drinking thing. But who knows... I more enjoy coming home and have a class of wine and relaxing. But the rest of the weekend will be relaxing and I'll get to do the rest of my homework. Plus I had my aunt print up a few photos that she took and had them shipped to me. So I will be hanging those up too :) .

So I talked to the boy from Louisiana the other day. He was such a sweetheart. We were talking about what we've been up to and I told him I was going to school for Nursing. I was telling him how much I like science and maybe that's why I picked Nursing. Plus the fact that I like taking care of people. And he told him to take care of him. Of course I would love nothing more than that. He always tells me how much it sucks that I live in New York and him in Louisiana. It's so weird cause I literally hung out with him for one night when I went down there and I've been hooked since. My roommate calls it some sort of "fate thing" that I have going on. That'd be great. I'm just afraid that because I won't be moving down there for a few years. So I'm afraid he'll find someone in the meantime and I'd understand but it would suck. He's pretty much focused on work and hunting right now though. He's 23 and has his own house and has a great head on his shoulders. It's good to know that. I miss him immensely. Is that weird that I miss someone that I only met one night?! Oh well, it's kind of that "love at first sight" thing and I'm definitely okay with it.

"Nothing In The World Is Accomplished Without Passion"

Life In A Northern Town

Okay. Two updates in one day. I can't help myself. I'm just really irritated right now and don't want to put my anger out on facebook for everyone to read. (That's not my style). Most friends don't even know I have this so it's more of a private thing.

The past like 2 hours have made me realize how much I really hate it here. Along with the people. I've gone through having so many friends over the past 8 years of my life and now none of them seem to be around. I don't know what it is but they all seem to have disappeared. I see some occasionally but that's only if I go out to a party. Cause that's the "cool" thing to do on the weekends. (As I said in my previous post). I mean granted I'm not a huge party girl but it wouldn't hurt to be asked to go out with everyone. (This weekend not so much due to I'm sickly :( It sucks) I've had 4 different girl "best friends" in the last 8 years.

The first I met the very first day of 7th grade. We were best friends. We did everything together and had a blast. Then college started. We went to the same college so it's not like we were 300 miles away. We were still in the same town at the same place. She seemed to distance herself from me and I don't understand why. I tried to ask her about it a while back and she gave me some stupid excuse of "she just grew up too fast". Well that's bull. I was never in anyways immature (if that's what she was getting at). Now she's happily married and has a kid. Which I am more than happy for her. But I miss our friendship. It also doesn't help that she talks to EVERYONE of my other "friends" other than me. Unless we happen to be in the same room which even then she doesn't really talk to me.

The second- We had known each other for years but never were really good friends until about 12th grade. We realized we had a lot more in common. So we started hanging out all the time. Going to concerts and hanging out with a new group of people all the time. She went to SU and I stayed here so it was a little harder to get ahold of each other at times with our schedules. Eventually we kind of drifted apart which I can't completely blame her for. So I guess that was a mutual thing. I don't know.

The third - I started a new college with a new major and she so happened to be in all my classes. Well.. we too had a lot in common, with interests and music and blah blah blah. Well we literally spent every day with each other. We would be up until 5 AM just bullshitting or hanging out with friends. Welp, eventually she got wicked pissed at me for whatever reason complaining that I am a terrible person and I only care about myself. It completely came out of left field. I didn't know what to say to her. Cause it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard.

Then there was another. I met her through my ex-boyfriend at one of his shows. She is such a sweetheart and we loved hanging out together. Well, one night we met a couple of guys which whom we hung out with. She was head-over-heals for the one. And I the other. Well, she ended up not liking the guy as much cause apparently he was too "clingy". Which in my eyes was not the case. He is just one of those hopeless romantics that loves to be around and do anything he possibly can for someone. He also became my best friend while I dated his best friend. Well I was naturally hanging out with my boyfriend and his and I's best friend all the time. Well, she would not hang out with us because of this boy. So she became distant and stopped talking to me. (Which by the way she stole 3 movies of mine and a couple shirts, but that's not that point haha)

There were a few other friends here and there that I hung out with a lot but never can really call them best friends.

I do not trust anyone around here anymore. Everyone seems to be backstabbing, conniving, liars. I've had a few things stolen from me currently from my roommate. Some of which I have gotten back. One of which was taken with her on a trip home to Maryland. (Miss my $50 dress).

I just do not know what it is. I mean why can't anyone be honest anymore. Hence why I am moving down South. Granted things may be a lot different but that is definitely something I am ready for. I need a change in my life.

In the south everything is so much better. My family is there, the weather is better (minus potential hurricanes. EEK!). Just a new atmosphere in which I am always much happier when I visit. I was down to visit this past November. I went to my first NFL game and always met someone while I was down there. Whether or not that will go anywhere is beyond me. But it is nice to have someone that I know there. Along with having family close will be great. I haven't lived near family in 20 years. It will be a great feeling. And I cannot wait till that time.

Planned us a little road trip down to New Orleans. - Joe Nichols "The Shape I'm In"

Gotta Be Something More...

Wow. Talk about a hiatus! I forgot I had this! Well let's update. This last year has brought on a lot!

Well I'm still working as a Medical Assistant and loving it. I'm full-time in Urology now and at times it's stressful but I love my patients and my doctors. I've been told to cover my wrist tattoo (a fleur-de-lis for my family) while I'm at work. Well I refuse. For 1. I was hired with this tattoo and 2. No one has ever said anything to me until the new administration came along. We shall see where this goes...

Good news! I'm starting school back up this week! RN degree here I come! I can't wait. I've already started reading Psychology and getting ready for that. It's an online class which should hopefully be okay to manage with work and whatnot. I'm also taking English and Math (My two most hated subjects). The decision to go back to school was triggered by a few things.

First - I cannot go on being a Medical Assistant for the rest of my life like two of my co-workers. I do not make great money which in turn leads to a lot of financial troubles. I cannot live paycheck to paycheck anymore. It's slowly killing me.

Second - Location of living. I can no longer live in New York State. For one, friends do exist for more than a few months. Then they stop talking to you. The people here (at least my age) are drama-filled. They have nothing better to do than drink and do drugs and talk about people behind their backs. I cannot stand it. Maybe it's just me but I feel as though I'm the only one that's actually grown-up around here. I'm not the typical 22 year old. I don't like to party all the time like most of my friends. I went to a party for my friend the other night and didn't drink. I was asked literally 6 different times by like 4 people why I wasn't drinking. They look at it as a bad thing and I don't understand why. Yes, I have my stressful days/weeks of work and whatnot but I don't see a that as a reason to get "wasted" or "fucked up" every weekend. I work 5 days a week. I would much rather stay home on the weekends and relax. If that's a bad thing then so be it. I don't care what y'all think.

What would a post of mine be without talking about relationships huh? Well here it is. I have been single for well over a year. Yes, it sucks at times but there's the upsides to it too. I've had interest in a few guys here and there but nothing significant that I want to take it any further. I'd much rather focus on school and work and save my money so that I can move down south. This brings me to one boy though. We had hung out a few years ago but we stopped talking. Then repeated that pattern two other times. We never were able to figure out why that was. Well, now he's in the army and in boot camp in North Carolina. We hung out a couple times while he was on winter exodus. It was nice to hang out with him and catch up. Well, to my surprise I received a letter from him today in the mail. I lit up when I saw it. I was so excited that he actually wrote me. He told me before he had left that he really does like me and wants to be with me. He said I would be the only girl he could trust while he's away. He's such a sweetheart really but I just do not want a relationship at this point and do not think I can handle being in a relationship with someone that is that far away for months to years on end. I'm not ready for that kind of a commitment. So alas, I am single and taking life one day at a time.

Ah. I forgot! I moved into a new house because our previous residence was sold. So now I live in a nice three bedroom house with my friend Sarah from Maryland. My mom was living here but she recently moved into her boyfriend's house. She is currently still paying rent and bills with us but she's never here. I still have her dog (GRRRR) which I hate. But I'm dealing with it cause as long as she pays the bills I'm okay. But we are in need of a third roommate.

So let the search/money saving/schooling begin.

Live life to the fullest you never know when it will end.

NOLA - 2013